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Category: Sex
Tuesday, January 15th, 2002 @ 08:11 pm
Posted By foo
The Face of God
If you are a regular glitch13 reader (and who isn't?) then you have no doubt seen numerous references to the CP. It has been referred to as "the great and glorious", "magnificent", "meaning of life", or as I like to call it "the only reason to talk to women".

But what is it? Just what is this inside joke between the incestuous glitch and foo?

Well, as you no doubt learned in grade school a camel toe occurs when a woman is wearing pants that are tight enough to accent her labia majora. This alone is quite a glorious thing. I'm not naming any names, but I know a guy who goes through all pictures of his friend's girlfriends hoping for just one fleeting glimpse of a camel toe. I'm not naming any names, but he also got loaded and told a girl he masturbated on her underwear when she left her clothes at his house.

If you're like me then you're quite fixated on the labia majora. So much so, in fact, that photographic documentation of this part of the female anatomy consumes a large percentage of your hard drive space. (Back to first person) I can take or leave the labia minora. I have only seen one or two sets of REALLY sexy labia minora, while I've seen literally thousands of sets of nasty ones. For the most part they're just there. Not sexy and not nasty. Just there getting in the way of the full enjoyment of the labia majora.

Once again, if you're like me, you enjoy the experience of simply rubbing against the labia majora for friction rather than actual vaginal penetration. An added bonus is that you're typically stimulating the clitoris during this blessed ritual, and both your sick fetishes and your girlfriend's apetite are satisfied.

The above image can be found in Gray's Anatomy. It is part of a technical discussion on Kegel exercises, female ejaculation, and the CP. This image, as you have no doubt surmised, is a anatomically accurate depiction of the CP. Quite simply, two women with large labia majora press their camels together and the man inserts his penis into the heavenly space between. Hence the name Camel Press.

Since seeing this diagram three years ago I have had a new mission in life. All of the wealth in the world is useless without the CP. (Of course, wealth has an interesting way of acting as a catalyst, drawing your penis into many vaginas) Sadly, I failed to act on my sole opportunity, choosing instead to poison fishcakes in UO rather than partake.

Never again. With Shiva as my witness I SHALL GET THE CP! Glitch has won the battle, but not the war. I will prevail. And then I'll be happy. Holy shit, then I'll be happy.


NAME: imaclone
Friday, January 18th, 2002 @ 09:47 am

NAME: suz
Thursday, January 17th, 2002 @ 11:53 pm
I was never in band camp

NAME: GirlyGirl
Thursday, January 17th, 2002 @ 09:51 pm
oh geez, was that what that was?

NAME: glitch13
Thursday, January 17th, 2002 @ 08:10 pm
Nah, there was no mistaken droppage of goo. The full motion CP wasn't condusive to the situation, besides I was kinda just getting in position for different tres-way festivities. I just pulled a quick swipe with the opposing genetalia were aligned in such a way, just for bragging rights.

NAME: McGurk
Thursday, January 17th, 2002 @ 03:36 pm
Are you saying that you 'delivered the package' before you had a chance to even get the mailman to the door?

I know who you are. You lost your cherry to the girl from band camp.

NAME: glitch13
Wednesday, January 16th, 2002 @ 08:31 pm
Its been up for a day now, and I can't believe that none of you derelicts have anything to say about The CP. You all are either really gay, or pretending to have some sort of moral structure. For Shame.

NAME: glitch13
Wednesday, January 16th, 2002 @ 09:02 am
I've only had one foray into the world of the CP, although I suppose you could say I've had many an opportunity. I did't even get to savor the moment, I saw the [planets] aligning and shot the curl; just one swipe, cause one's all ya need to claim VICTORY.