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| A RETURN TO GRACE. |  | Category: Social
Saturday, February 14th, 2004 @ 04:40 pm
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I'm going to try to explain a pretty difficult concept here. Especially difficult to young lads and ladies such as ourselves. People who smoke smokeables via crude paper tubes that we insert directly into our mouths. People who drink any manner of stuff directly out of the container we purchased it in. People who style our hair in various fashions as our whims command. People who wear sometimes garish, sometimes unkempt, sometimes even unclean clothing.
Did any of you know that there was a time when people had manners? It is true. I'm not sure entirely what manners are, but I think this gentleman does.
You might think that having manners involves relaxing by a pool. Would that the task were so simple and enjoyable. Perhaps another example would better illustrate the point.
 I hope you're starting to get the idea now. Having manners and being a gentleman require proper dress, proper hair styling, and one more thing.
And that thing is a moustache. Simple facial hair will not suffice. Gentlemen do not parade about with beards as if they were pirates or hippies, no. And they do not galavant with big muttonchop sideburns, as if they were off to fight in the Boer war or sing Elvis tunes. No, the moustache is the right look for a gentleman. It says to the world, "I am a man and I can (and do!) grow hair out of my face."
Now, I'm sure by this point you are probably wondering, "What does this have to do with me? For I am not concerned with gentlemanly things." And to that, I say, "That is exactly the problem. Nobody is." It is actually a wonder to me that I found these pictures at all. But that needs to change.
As I am sure you are all well aware, there are morally challenging times upon us. Even as I type, I can hear revelry and chaos in the streets. There are people tootling on tooters, blaring loud jungle music through public address systems, and driving unsightly trucks mere blocks from my house. This cannot be allowed.
 We must band together, and show the world what decent behavior looks like. What civilized dress can be. That it is possible to not have one's hair blowing about all willy-nilly. That a moustache is a symbol of disinction.
When will we do this? I propose this coming February the 22nd. It is the Lord's day, a day practically founded for the express purpose of setting good examples. It is a day that I know for a fact will have carousers strutting their stuff mere steps from my home. It is also close enough to my birthday to call it a birthday celebration.
So come, join me. Be here and ready to represent in the morning, for the main thoroughfare that leads to my abode will be rendered nigh unpassable by 11 or so ante-meridian. Put on your finest robe. Wear some comfortable slippers. Slick back your hair. And if you must smoke, do find some way to keep the combustibles from touching your primary orifice.
AND HAVE A FUCKING MOUSTACHE!!!!
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