| RANDOM QUOTE | I don't use drugs; my dreams are frightening enough.
-M.C. Escher | |
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| LIVEJOURNAL IMAGES |  | Category: Humor
Friday, January 21st, 2005 @ 10:27 am
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Some guy somewhere wrote a script that pulls a list of the latest images posted on people's Live Journals and displays them. I've found it to be a more than apt time sink (along with grouphug.us and IRC Images) when one is in dire need of killing time.
Well, it just displayed the images in their native size in linear fashion down that page. This sucked. I reworked the script a bit to size it all up and grid it out on the screen. It also provides two links for each image: one link opens a window with the livejournal post that used that image, and the other opens a window with the image at its original size. There's usually more than your fair share of hot teenage girls posting pictures of themselves looking hot.
(PS: incase you didn't notice, I added a search box the the lefthand column.)
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| COMICS | | Category: Humor
Monday, November 29th, 2004 @ 04:25 pm
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If you haven't checked out that Perry Bible Fellowship link that Scott
slapped down in the Quick Links down there, I highly recommend giving
it a look-see.
While on the subject of comics, I'd like to share with you two rather funny little strips
I found while parusing the interweb. I didn't make em, and I
don't know who did:
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| MOTORCYCLE MAINTENANCE IN 8 EASY STEPS | | Category: Humor
Friday, July 23rd, 2004 @ 10:33 am
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 - 1) Unnecessarily remove entire foot peg/gearshift assembly to get to the oil plug.
- 2) Realize that if you had put the extension on your socket wrench, you wouldn't have needed to do that, so replace assembly.
- 3) Empty oil and remove spark plug covers.
- 4) Realize that you lost your plug socket months ago and now you need to drag your retarded ass to the hardware store to get a new one.
- 5) Return from store $4.50 poorer and replace spark plugs.
- 6) Remove entire headlight casing from motorcycle while only replacing the light bulb because you lost one grommet.
- 7) Shear the heads off of two of the three substantial bolts holding the headlight casing to your bike.
- 8) Refill engine with oil and ride off into the sunset.
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| THE PART THAT CUTS IS NOT RESPONSIBLE, BUT THE MISS A SEX IS CONTAINED GENEROUSLY... | | Category: Humor
Wednesday, November 13th, 2002 @ 02:42 pm
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I will now tell you a story with some words, O brothers, it is called My Summer Vacation. It is by Miss A.
One day I was walking to the shit creek. I saw a moist lady who needed help. I retarded her. She said "along a fence" , and gave me a cannon. I put it in my ovary. I then continued on my way.
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"Along a fence."
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Soon, I saw a playful rabbit. It had hurt its throat vein. I wrapped it with a bandage, and it said "squirt". I got up and kept on walking towards my destination..
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"It had hurt its throat vein."
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Soon, I stumbled across a rolling pin. I picked it up and put it in my asshole. It was getting pickled and I still had to go to the Las Vegas. I hunted as fast as I could. I finally reached the Dance City...
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"I stumbled across a rolling pin."
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"Bowling hot spears!", I said, it was closed. I started walking stoically back towards my peapod. I felt throaty about what I had accomplished!!
Indeed. End of transmission.
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| A FEW QUICK BLURBS | | Category: Humor
Saturday, January 19th, 2002 @ 01:39 pm
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Indenting and capitalizing. Check.
First off, I found this in my mailbox the other day and thought I'd share it with all of you.
-SHIT PURSE-
cutin' dido...! it's super fun cool!
remember the flaming bag-o-poo? ...well, this is better!
REQUIRED TOOLS:
1. shit
2. 2 or more nice looking purses (used... these can be purchased @ Thrift City)
3. 2 or more dollar bills (equal dollars to # of purses)
4. 2 or more ACTIVE participants
5. video camera (optional)
now that you have all that...let's begin...SHITPURSE!
(you can record this whole event)
step 1. Get shit in purse
step 2. Place dollar gingerly atop shit in purse
step 3. Place purse on sidewalk of busy, well-trafficked street
step 4. Wait for it (be patient)
step 5. When purse is eyed, picked up, opened, and reached into (and it will be) wait for the look in their eyes and then point and scream
SHITPURSE!
Hint- (flight may now be necessary)
REPEAT REPEAT REPEAT (change locale and time of course)
Hint-(if someone picks up the SHITPURSE and takes it without opening it...LET IT GO...this is why multiple purses were purchased...LET IT GO...there will be others)
Why? You ask ... to make a better world. Imagine ... soon, no one no where will dare steal a lost/dropped purse for fear of the shit inside.
-New Yort-
So there's that. Typos and all in all of its glory. Even if none of you do it, it's fun to think about for a moment or three. But I do know someone with a camcorder and the balls to do such a thing (hint: me), so all interested parties should do what they can to get in touch.
In other news, the Krewe du Vieux parades tonight, even though it appears to be raining now. Molly's is supposed to be a good place to be for the activities, so get yer asses down there. Like anyone needs an excuse to go down to Molly's and throw a few back. Still, you've been informed.
Lastly, the time has come to note the passing of a dear friend.
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Grey Bic Lighter
dependable as fuck
months ago - days ago
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When I first got back home to Jarlins, I needed a lighter. I bought this grey one. I didn't expect much from it- it was just a disposable lighter. But I found that it lit up with remarkable regularity, and as months passed became aware that it was also lighting up with remarkable longevity. Well, all good things must come to an end and the other night Grey Bic Lighter finally lit its last cigareet. Grey Bic Lighter, you have restored my faith in disposable lighters. May you have fun frollicking in lighter heaven, or whatever lighters do after I throw them away.
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